Dear Etiquetteer:
My question involves the wedding of the son of some acquaintances of mine. We are not especially close but have sung together and I have known the boy almost from his birth. He had a very small wedding and few were invited from the family’s circle of friends. The family did an open house a couple of weeks prior. I attended briefly to congratulate the couple but did not attend the wedding or reception. I did not take anything as I truthfully wasn’t thinking about it (long story there) but noted some brought gifts and cards. Do I owe them a gift or at least a card congratulating them? I got a thank-you note that thanked me for a gift that I didn’t give so I feel a bit guilty.
Thanks for any help you can provide on these.
Dear Guest:
First off, there’s no reason for you to feel guilty, as you haven’t done anything wrong. The real quandary for Etiquetteer is, who gave the gift for which you were thanked in error? How will they feel at not being remembered by the Happy Couple? For that reason alone, you should write to the Happy Couple disclaiming anything to do with the gift in question, but wishing them Hearty Congratulations and Best Wishes for their married life. Assuming you all live in the same community, you could invite them to dinner at your home, either with your acquaintances the groom’s parents, or not.
The question of being owed a wedding gift always leaves Etiquetteer cold. As you were not invited to the wedding, send a gift if you feel moved to do so, but at least a card since you’ve actually met them. What you could do is file away the date of their wedding so that next year you can send a gift for their paper anniversary. Etiquetteer bets no one will else will think of that!
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Today marks the return to Standard Time, and with it the usual grousing from people who don’t like it getting pitch dark so early. For those who advocate for making Daylight Savings Time permanent, allow Etiquetteer to remind you that we tried that once before (in 1974) and it didn’t work. There’s no need to revisit a bad idea.
But we can also embrace this first night of early darkness with Light, Beauty, and of course Perfect Propriety. Etiquetteer proposes Teatime by Candlelight to greet the return of Standard Time. Instead of grumbling about the dark, get out your tapers or votives, get out your favorite china and silver, bake something you enjoy, and maybe invite a friend or two. Cocoon yourself in mellow candlelight (so flattering — lighting is the best skin care) with a piping hot pot of tea and a good book. What could be more Perfectly Proper?
Etiquetteer wishes you a glowing and tranquil evening.