“Grief is a luxury one cannot afford if one intends to go on.” — the Dowager of Countess of Southwold, Upstairs, Downstairs
When words will not come, silence is often best. But even though the words don’t come easily several days after last week’s election results, Etiquetteer must make some attempt, not least because — oh, heavy irony! — today is National Civic Pride Day, created in 2022 “to inspire everyone to promote the dynamic* communities they live in.”
What does this mean after all the votes were counted? With no exemplars of Perfect Propriety visible in the incoming administration, it means that we ourselves need to model the behavior we most want to see where we live. That means more than being polite and attentive to cashiers and receptionists, navigating parking lots with care, and taking enough pride in one’s appearance to look clean and tidy in public. It means being well informed about local and national issues — which is to say, from more than one or two sources — and participating in local and neighborhood meetings. It means eye contact. It means placing a value on honesty, and ensuring that others share that value, too.
It means not bullying or taunting other people. Is a nation of men shouting “Your body, my choice” an example of civic pride? Etiquetteer thinks not. And this is only one example. Etiquetteer fears for the future.
In her first edition of Etiquette back in 1922, Emily Post Herself attempted to define what Best Society is**, and Etiquetteer is inspired by her words: “. . . Best Society is not a fellowship of the wealthy, nor does it seek to exclude those who are not of exalted birth; but it is an association of gentle-folk, of which good form in speech, charm of manner, knowledge of the social amenities, and instinctive consideration for the feelings of others [emphasis added] are the credentials by which society the world over recognizes its chosen members.” In other words, kindness as well as dignity, good manners — Perfect Propriety.
It’s on us to be the change we want to see in the world. Etiquetteer wishes you strength and courage as you consider how best to be that change where you are.
*Meaning “continuous and productive activity or change.”
**Not at all to be confused with the “Be Best” campaign of the late 2010s.