Etiquetteer has been in Heaven while out and about in England, the Land of Afternoon Tea. But even Heaven needs Perfect Propriety, never more evident than when faced with the high point of tea, the scone served with jam and clotted cream. For tea fans, and those who are merely tea curious, Etiquetteer offers a quick primer on How to Negotiate Your Scone with Perfect Propriety:
Tea goodies are often served all at once, but are eaten in order: sandwiches first, then scones, and then pastries. Once embarked, you may not reverse this progression from savory to sweet. No going back to sandwiches after you’ve started your scone.
Scones are broken in half, not cut. Never slice a scone.
Break off a bite-sized piece, spread with clotted cream and/or jam (more on that next), and consume. Don’t spread an entire half of a scone and then take bites from it. You’ll look less greedy if you take your scone a piece at a time. Besides, it prolongs the pleasure of tea.
Fetishists love to debate whether jam goes first and then the cream (the Cornwall method) or the cream goes first and then the jam (the Devonshire method). Honestly people . . . this does not matter unless you are physically in Cornwall or Devon for your tea. In either of those places, it’s best to follow local custom. Safety first. You can’t slice a scone, but they might try to slice you . . .
“No thank you” is always a polite option if you don’t want anything offered for any reason.
Now let’s say that everyone has enjoyed their tea, there is only one scone (or pastry) left, but more than one person at the table. If someone picks up the plate and asks “Would you like the last one?” what is the correct response? Really, the only Perfectly Proper answer is “No thank you, you have it,” because that question is a coded way to say “Mine!” Etiquetteer, in more devilish moments, imagines the consternation that could arise if someone responded “Let’s split it.” That would be Very Naughty Indeed.