Lost in a summer reverie, Etiquetteer speculated about conditions that occur more often in summer than other times of year that sometimes test our Perfect Propriety, and came up with Heat, Dining Al Fresco, and White Linen.
Heat
For many people climate change remains nothing more than adjusting the thermostat. The rest of us still need to move about outside, and quite naturally perspire.* This is Etiquetteer’s opportunity to advocate for the Humble But Timeless Plain White Handkerchief, so much more durable than paper tissue when faced with a river of sweat. The Possibly Humbler but Often More Festive Colored Bandana works just as well. When dabbing away unwanted moisture, just get the job done without making a performance out of it. Leave that to the Marlboro Man.
It’s also high time that the parasol made a comeback, for everyone, not just the ladies. In its 19th-century heyday, the parasol was only large enough to shield the face from the sun and was over-burdened with frills and fringes and what have you. In the words of the late Polly Mellen, “Fussy, finished!” What Etiquetteer wants to see is a flock of shoulder-width white umbrellas for all people. This provides both usefulness and elegance.
Dining Al Fresco
Sidewalk cafés, backyard tables, and balconies all tempt us to linger over drinks, snacks, and meals. But their drawbacks challenge us, like the glare and the breeze. Sunglasses are sometimes unavoidable. And while ladies still have more leeway, a gentleman doesn’t wear a hat** at the table. The breeze nibbles at napkins of all sizes (and let’s not be sniffy about cloth vs. paper — we all go to places with paper napkins). On a table, anchor cocktail napkins with some sort of decorative weight (Etiquetteer has seen clean beach rocks and glass paperweights used for this). In your lap, do your best to anchor your napkin under your upwind leg. There are those who say a napkin should never be tucked into your waistband, but Etiquetteer says a) they shouldn’t be looking under the table in the first place and just what does that say about them, b) hard times call for harsh measures, and c) if you’re going to do that, don’t forget and stand up with your napkin hanging down your front. That Mr. Dimmick Who Thinks He Knows So Much has made this mistake before and it’s so embarrassing.
White Linen
Nothing really says summer more than fine clothing of white linen, but we all know it wrinkles as soon as it’s put on. Let’s just embrace that, shall we? We’ve done our best. Because white linen isn’t as opaque as other fabrics, it’s also important not to wear colored or patterned underclothes. It still astonishes Etiquetteer how many people forget this.
*In the words of the late Mame Dennis, “What could be more wholesome or natural?”
**Religious headgear is, of course, always Perfectly Proper.