Not long ago another etiquette writer asked Etiquetteer what Etiquetteer would do in a situation posed in an Instagram reel. A party of six or more (presumably friends) has been seated at a gastropub or a restaurant of similar style. When the server begins taking drink orders, the first person orders a beer. The person sitting next to her considers this rude, because some people in the party (translation: the person complaining) are newly sober. The complainant believes it would be more polite for those who want to order anything alcoholic to check with the table first to see if it’s all right.
The creator of the reel suggested that was not OK. “The world does not revolve around” those who are newly sober. They are responsible for their own behavior, not policing everyone else’s to conform with their preferences. Etiquetteer feels compelled to agree, but also to specify that separate checks are most helpful on these occasions. No one who abstains, whether by preference or necessity, should feel they are subsidizing the bar bill*.
What would you do? Why not drop a line to Etiquetteer, or comment on social media?
Etiquetteer’s recent advice on how to duck long-winded museum guides yielded an opposing viewpoint from at least a couple readers who felt it was “a shame” to miss an educational opportunity. As the French say, chacun à son goût. Education is not the sole purpose for visiting a museum, far from it. The simple experiences of pleasure, rest and meditation, among others, also have their place, and should be respected, too. And there is also greater realization that everyone does not learn in the same way; they may just want a few hors d’oeuvres and not a full meal. For those who delight in a Deep Dive with a Resident Expert, Etiquetteer wishes you joy and erudition. And for those who prefer to browse a museum without guidance, Etiquetteer wishes you unmolested enjoyment of the galleries.
*It’s wonderful that restaurants accommodate separate checks now, even for large parties, but it is appalling bordering on the unfair to servers, especially if it’s a party of over ten people — and then to hear diners complaining about the tip already being added. Not long ago Etiquetteer witnessed one beleaguered waiter handle separate checks for a party of 22 (!) and simultaneously take care of other tables. Please, diners, be kind to the staff!