Dear Etiquetteer:
I was recently at a business retreat. At two meals I was seated at a table with a new board member. Throughout both meals she talked non-stop — about her children. I have no doubt her children are amazing, but what would have been the best way to deal with someone monopolizing the conversation?
Dear Retreating:
Etiquetteer has a couple different thoughts about this, first about the setting. People in business attend conferences and retreats to exchange ideas about business, not someone’s personal life. Etiquetteer has never forgotten the story of the press conference to launch a new initiative that resulted in press coverage . . . of a Busy Executive’s Overseas Vacation, which said executive had been gassing on about to a reporter. Whether this was intended or not, it hijacked the hard work of more than a few people. It redefined “Loose lips sink ships.” Etiquetteer doesn’t mean that chat about family and individual interests is forbidden — sometimes it’s a handy conversation starter — but it isn’t the purpose of the gathering and shouldn’t dominate.
More universally, whenever people come together it is to exchange conversation. Give and take is essential. You may read what Etiquetteer had to say about babblers at the dinner table here. In your case, your New Board Member may have been attending her first retreat and secretly nervous about what to talk about; her children may have been a familiar (to her) topic. (Because Heaven forbid one just listen and learn . . . ) The solution is to refocus her onto your organization. “You must be missing your children a lot! But I have really wanted to ask you why you chose to get involved with [Insert Name of Organization Here], since its mission is so deeply entrenched in our community.” Or ask about a new initiative or project in the industry.
“I’m really not interested” is next door to rude, but only the most obtuse will miss that it means it’s Time to Change the Subject. At worst, though, it could sever a professional relationship or prompt a Discussion About Feelings. Use with extreme caution.
Etiquetteer wishes you aware and on-topic companions at your next retreat.