“You look like a freak in that hat.” This unsolicited information was provided to Etiquetteer yesterday by a total stranger on the sidewalk, a white man in his 30s suffering not just from Bad Manners, but also an Absence of Imagination. As usual, That Mr. Dimmick Who Thinks He Knows So Much thought of the perfect comeback about 45 seconds too late: “I’m not wearing it for you.” But Etiquetteer knew better and continued on his way. There’s no need to engage with These People. Remember that old saying: “Don’t wrestle with a pig. You both get muddy, but the pig likes it.”
The hat in question is a burgundy fedora, worn at a slight angle with everyday clothes and (on this occasion) a Wistful Smile. Once an absolute requirement for gentlemen*, men’s hats practically disappeared in the 1960s. Etiquetteer blames Woodstock, as usual. Gentleman’s Gazette, however, suggests a variety of causes, from improved climate control to snarky internet memes.** Dandies, classic menswear enthusiasts (they are not really the same thing), and Otherwise Dapper Gentlemen continue to sport fedoras, trilbys, pork pies, etc. as exemplars of Perfect Propriety. And there’s no reason you shouldn’t consider joining the fun.
How should a gentleman wear a brimmed hat such as a fedora? The film noir detective slouch, identified with the late Humphrey Bogart, is so popular — but is it burlesqued? Amy Vanderbilt sets us straight in her New Complete Book of Etiquette (1963): “A man’s hat should sit more or less squarely on his head, not be pushed toward the back*** or tipped too jauntily to the side. It should never distort the natural position of his ears.” So, you’ll know you’re going too far if you feel your ears getting pushed around. A bit of an angle is still Perfectly Proper.
By the way, not ten minutes after being accused of looking like a freak, Etiquetteer got unsolicited compliments from two different people on two different sidewalks. Which just goes to show that a) self-confidence really is the most attractive garment, b) dressing well makes a difference, and c) if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. What could be more Perfectly Proper than that?
*There were exceptions. J. Bruce Ismay, notorious owner of the White Star Line who survived the sinking of the Titanic, never wore a hat in any weather.
**Perhaps that total stranger was unduly influenced by an anti-fedora meme.
***Journalists always seem to wear their hats this way in old movies.