Someone someplace on the internet asked a rhetorical question about the difficulty of finding comfortable “sleepwear” that was also beautiful — pajamas that looked like they were chosen with care, a unified ensemble. The pandemic has focused us all so much on Comfort that we forget that Beauty and Elegance also nourish us — and the people that have to look at us in our pajamas, too, whoever they might be.
Mme. Genevieve Antoine Dariaux, in her 1966 book Elegance, starts us out: “One of the most baffling points of inconsistency in many otherwise elegant women is the way they completely neglect their appearance during the hours of intimacy* in their own homes — which is the very time and place where they ought to be at their most attractive. For every woman who, at the end of the day . . . ties a ribbon in her well-brushed hair and slips into a pretty, long dressing-gown or housecoat with matching slippers, how many dress for an evening at home in a shabby dressing-gown . . . and with huge shapeless mules on their feet?” She includes some frightening language about curlers and face creams, too. While her advice is directed at ladies, it applies to everyone. Do you want your domestic companions to enjoy the view of you, or endure it? Do you want to enjoy what you see in the mirror, or endure it?
Traditional pajamas, particularly for men, seem to have gone the way of the dodo. Perhaps everyone has defaulted to worn-out T-shirts**, or simply nothing at all — which, since few of the classic etiquette writers even mention pajamas, must be Perfectly Proper. At the core, though, Etiquetteer prefers to adopt the advice given by Kathleen Tessaro in her novel Elegance***, though she relates it to lingerie: “Everything you own should do its job with some semblance of grace and dignity . . . and nasty knickers completely sabotage your . . . self esteem.”
In the short term, this means a Pajama Purge of anything you’re wearing to bed that’s ripped, spotted, torn, or tattered. Then find something in a soft, comfortable fabric that won’t lose its shape in the wash. Ladies who breakfast in bed (or who at least bring their first cup of coffee back to bed) may want to consider a bed jacket; this should be short enough that you don’t end up sitting on it in bed. Like-minded gentlemen could consider a smoking jacket. Etiquetteer wishes you Perfectly Proper peaceful slumber, and greater enthusiasm for the days ahead.
A 1950s bed jacket. Notice those dramatic sleeves.
*”Hours of intimacy,” what a lovely phrase for time spent at home.
**Over the years Etiquetteer has heard entirely justified complaints from petite ladies returning from conferences or other large events with “small” T-shirts that fit them like dresses. They are entirely done with being told to use them as nightgowns.
***It was this delightful novel that directed Etiquetteer to Madame Dariaux in the first place.