Air moves things around, but Hot Air traps us in place. And that’s a problem when there’s a long line of people behind you.
President and Dr. Biden’s first state dinner last week was served at the impossibly late hour of 10:30 PM. Ten thirty. Why on earth did this happen? Because the receiving line took too long. “The lengthy hellos, which were supposed to run about an hour, led to a late evening for the president . . . photos turned into hugs. Hugs turned into chats — and shop talk . . .” The jovial longwindedness of the President, as well as that of his guest of honor, French president Emmanuel Macron, prolonged the cocktail hour so long that the bartenders ran out of clean glasses.
Etiquetteer dearly loves a receiving line, and they have important functions: for hosts to greet their guests, for guests to thank their hosts, and to meet guests of honor — for instance, a Happy Couple at their wedding. But it’s a receiving line, not a conversing line. The exchange shouldn’t be more than “Good evening, I’m so glad you’re here!” “Thank you! It was kind of you to ask us” and then off you go. Truman Capote and Katherine Graham had the right idea at Truman’s 1966 Black and White Ball. It was just the two of them, and they kept it brief so that guests weren’t backed up in the corridor.
Wedding receiving lines, in Etiquetteer’s opinion, once involved too many people. Back in the day they required all four parents, the Happy Couple, and all the bridesmaids! When Etiquetteer’s Dear Parents married in 1955, even the best man got in on the act — but that may have been because Dear Mother had only two bridesmaids. Eventually the line slimmed down to just the Happy Couple — what could be more Perfectly Proper? — but that didn’t trim the hot air in the sails of Deeply Moved Wedding Guests.*
A receiving line to meet a VIP, like a state dinner, offers a different temptation. When promised the opportunity to shake the hand of a Very Important Person, many people have a natural urge either to a) babble like a fan, or b) share at length exactly what they think of the job they’re doing. The latter especially allows them to wallow in a Sense of Importance. Nothing is going to stop them from giving that VIP a Piece of Their Mind!** Unfortunately, that includes any sympathy for anyone behind them in line, who want to do exactly the same thing. And as we saw with Presidents Biden and Macron, when the VIP is also naturally garrulous, you end up with a lack of consideration for the line. “Grip and grin” photos delay things even more.
Please, people! The receiving line is not the occasion. Keep it short, forgo your Big Speech, breeze through all that Hot Air, and let everyone have a good time in the party.
*Having gone to weddings since 1968, Etiquetteer has most often seen Elderly Relations Waxing Nostalgic take up the most time. This doesn’t make them bad people; they just need to pipe down and move along.
**Sadly, it often proves to be the last one.