• Home
  • About
  • Columns
  • Index
  • Programs and Events
  • Etiquetteer's Guidelines
  • Recommended Reading
  • Contact Etiquetteer
Menu

Etiquetteer

Encouraging Perfect Propriety in an Imperfect World since 2001
  • Home
  • About
  • Columns
  • Index
  • Programs and Events
  • Etiquetteer's Guidelines
  • Recommended Reading
  • Contact Etiquetteer
iu.jpeg

Free Speech vs. Discretion, Vol. 20, Issue 48

July 1, 2021

Two recent news stories about high school students and freedom of speech provide interesting contrasts in Perfect Propriety and the role of the educational system in “molding a New Little Life*.”

In the first story the Supreme Court upheld the right of Ms. Brandi** Levy to express vulgar opinions about decisions that went against her to a wide audience on social media without school discipline. Long story short, after being passed over for the varsity cheerleading squad, Ms. Levy expressed her displeasure on Snapchat by making a Splendid Gesture*** with the F Word to 250 of her closest school friends. One was the daughter of a cheerleading coach. Oopsie! Ms. Levy was “suspended from junior varsity cheerleading for a year . . . to ‘avoid chaos’ and maintain a ‘teamlike environment.’” After several years, the Supreme Court sided with Ms. Levy.

Etiquetteer actually agrees with the Court’s ruling, because the school could have handled this differently. Instead of immediate suspension from cheerleading, the principal could have invited Ms. Levy to consider how her actions impacted other people, and indeed herself, and asking if expressing her disappointment so very publicly was really the most productive way to handle it. Sometimes a meeting is a better way to solve a problem than punishment.

Because Ms. Levy’s behavior will have a permanent impact, thanks to the internet. What employer is going to hire someone who immediately and publicly disses the employer to everyone she knows when passed over for promotion? That kind of public grousing isn’t attractive or Perfectly Proper. And for the rest of her life, Ms. Levy will be facing this hasty choice when prospective employers do an internet search for her.

Disappointment at being passed over is understandable; Etiquetteer sympathizes up to a point. But . . . maybe you don’t have to share with everyone. Two hundred fifty people can never be a core circle. Sharing the negative emotions with a smaller and much tighter group would have been wiser. Finally, as Timothy Snyder has taught us, “Email is skywriting.”

Flip the coin and you get valedictorian Bryce Dersham, who was censored by principal Dr. Robert M. Tull after Mr. Dersham reverted to his original graduation speech****. This included references to his sexuality, mental health, and recovery from anorexia, to which Dr. Tull had objected over concerns about the speech becoming a “therapy session.” Mr. Dersham ended up carrying the day by reciting his original speech from memory, to the cheers of his classmates.

A valedictorian’s speech is one of the most important parts of any graduation, and it’s not unusual to reference What One Has Overcome to reach one’s degree. In this century it’s useless to pretend that we’re still looking at Miss Dewy Freshness and Mr. Manley Firmness briskly striding off to college, marriage, and parenthood with happy memories of debate society, athletic teams, and prom decorations. As a society we are learning how important it is to acknowledge our struggles as well — and they don’t all fall into some Comfortable Stereotype.

Perhaps Dr. Tull just didn’t want Mr. Dersham to wallow indulgently in his issues; a graduation is a public occasion for everyone, not just the speakers. Perhaps, but probably not. And Mr. Dersham did the courageous and Perfectly Proper thing reverting to his original speech. Dr. Tull’s misguided attempts at censorship in the moment only served to magnify the speech on a national stage. It will certainly be remembered by the attendees much longer as a result! The more prudent thing to do would have been to let it ride.

The final point, though, is that Mr. Dersham had something important to say about about using all parts of his identity to overcome his problems to become a valedictorian. Ms. Levy was just pouting about not being chosen for a coveted team position. There’s a big difference.

*From Auntie Mame, by Patrick Dennis. Of course.

**She’s a fine girl. Poor Ms. Levy is probably tired of hearing that song — if anyone that age has even heard of it.

***”Splendid Gesture” is Etiquetteer’s euphemism for shooting the middle finger, culled from some episode of Monty Python’s Flying Circus.

****Remarkably similar to another recent censorship case, when a Memorial Day speaker’s microphone was cut when his speech began to acknowledge the role Black Americans had in creating Memorial Day. People, give it up. Cutting a microphone will only get the story into the news.

← Packing for Summer Vacation, Vol. 20, Issue 49Teenage Teasing, Vol. 20, Issue 47 →
Subscribe

RECENT COLUMNS

Featured
Jun 1, 2025
Negotiating a Scone, Vol. 24, Issue 17
Jun 1, 2025
Jun 1, 2025
Apr 27, 2025
What to Wear (or Not), Vol. 24, Issue 16
Apr 27, 2025
Apr 27, 2025
Apr 16, 2025
Signals with Silverware, Vol. 24, Issue 15
Apr 16, 2025
Apr 16, 2025
Apr 13, 2025
Table Manners, Vol. 24, Issue 14
Apr 13, 2025
Apr 13, 2025
Apr 9, 2025
Random Issues, Vol. 12, Issue 13
Apr 9, 2025
Apr 9, 2025
Apr 2, 2025
Breakups, Vol. 24, Issue 12
Apr 2, 2025
Apr 2, 2025
Mar 19, 2025
Five Table Manners to Remember, Vol. 24, Issue 11
Mar 19, 2025
Mar 19, 2025
Feb 19, 2025
Afternoon Tea in a Democracy, Vol. 24, Issue 10
Feb 19, 2025
Feb 19, 2025
Feb 9, 2025
How to Rally One's Best Society, Vol. 24, Issue 9
Feb 9, 2025
Feb 9, 2025
Feb 2, 2025
Social Media, Vol. 24, Issue 8
Feb 2, 2025
Feb 2, 2025