Dear Etiquetteer:
It used to be that one would do small things for the neighbors just to be civil; take in the mail and paper while they are away for a couple of days, check that the cat has water and kibble over the weekend, bring a mask and some small talk to the elderly lady down the road. One was just happy to have been helpful in a small way.
I have noticed in recent years that the recipients of such trivial gestures have found it needful to reimburse one in the form of gift cards and such. I find such gestures embarrassing. Am I expected to pay in kind should I ask that they scoop the Sunday paper off the driveway some weekend?
Dear Neighborly:
Alas, gift cards are the new baked goods. And you’re right, they seem more transactional than neighborly. Convenience has trumped Thoughtfulness. Etiquetteer doesn’t really like it either. In this case, you may feel like the staff being tipped instead of a neighbor being thanked.
Your aversion to the gift card, however, obscures the proper place of a Tangible Gesture of Gratitude for Neighborly Assistance. Before gift cards, it wasn’t unusual for baked goods to be offered, or souvenirs of travel destinations from vacationers. Etiquetteer’s Dear Mother (may she rest in peace) benefited from the kindness of a neighbor every day. On his morning walk he would move her freshly delivered newspaper from wherever the newsboy tossed it to her front stoop, saving her steps. Every once in awhile she would pop over with something fresh from the oven for him and his wife, but not every day, or even every month. Etiquetteer, after a week caring for a neighbor’s tomato plants, was surprised and delighted to receive a small basket of tomatoes from those same plants.
If you are not comfortable expressing gratitude with a gift card, don’t. A Lovely Note is always Most Perfectly Proper anyway. But consider a Tangible Gesture, too, like banana bread or cookies. Etiquetteer, for instance, always finds baked goods useful, even if his waistline does not . . .
And speaking of Neighborliness, this coming Saturday, May 1, is not just Kentucky Derby, but also World Naked Gardening Day*. Back in Volume 15 Etiquetteer shared a few dos and don’ts for this novel, perhaps controversial Day of Horticulture. You may wish to review if you feel anxious about seeing more of your neighbors than you prefer.
*Always observed on the first Saturday of May.