Dear Etiquetteer:
My husband and I may have found the perfect condo unit for us, and we would like to make an offer to purchase it. Should we tell our friends who live down the hall from the new unit that we are going to make an offer? They are nice folks who we see socially a couple times per year, but aren’t what I would call close friends (though I’m pleased at the prospects of getting to know them better). We don’t want to appear to be moving into their turf or want to make them feel like we will be demanding more of their time. What’s the best way to handle this situation before we commit to buying the unit?
Dear Moving:
It’s very considerate of you to think about how this might impact others, and Etiquetteer commends you. Rather than present your move as a fait accompli (“Surprise, we’re you’re new neighbors! May I borrow a cup of sugar and your vacuum cleaner?”), you might approach them now with the news that you’re considering moving down the hall, and ask them about how much they’ve enjoyed living where they are. They could turn out to be a very helpful source of knowledge about building and neighborhood life, as well as insider information your realtor might not be in a position to know. (But let them offer it; don’t go digging at first.)
Should you move there, of course you’ll include them in any getting-to-know-you gathering you hold for other neighbors once you’ve settled in*, and respond with a Lovely Note to any welcome-to-the-building gesture they make; somehow one always thinks of casseroles and wine in association with new neighbors. Progressing from Acquaintance to Neighbor needn’t involve any change in your relationship beyond hallway and holiday card greetings. It’s entirely possible that you may discover more common interests and end up spending more time together, but it’s also Perfectly Proper if you don’t. “Maintaining one’s reserve” doesn’t have to be stuffy.
Etiquetteer wishes you success and contentment whoever your new neighbors turn out to be.
*Always remembering necessary COVID restrictions while they are needed.