After last week’s Zoom presentation from the Gibson House Museum by Etiquetteer of “Elements of the Victorian Dinner Table,” someone commented “My goodness, people could talk about Victorian dinner parties forever!” And it made Etiquetteer think about the things that etiquette is, and is not, associated with. When we think of Etiquette With a Capital E, we think of:
Weddings, and everything that goes with them
Royal Weddings, especially
Formal Dinner Parties
Victorian Dinner Parties, especially
Royal Courts of Europe up to 1917
Versailles, especially
Queen Victoria
After 1917, The House of Windsor
Afternoon Tea
Also, the Japanese Tea Ceremony
Mid-Century Women’s Clubs, especially the Daughters of the American Revolution
Letter-Writing That Does Not Involve a Machine
The White House, and Diplomatic Protocol
Military Protocol
Courtroom Trials, Usually for Murder or Divorce
Servants and Employers
Downton Abbey
Debutante Balls
Special Apparel for gentlemen: suits, bow ties, cufflinks, spats (!), evening clothes (especially white tie), pocket watches and watchchains, straw boaters
Special Apparel for ladies: hat, white gloves, handkerchiefs, tiny evening bags, anything lace.
Particular Accessories: martinis and attendant cocktail paraphernalia in sterling silver, calling cards, card cases, monogrammed stationery, silver services, china, crystal.
Where etiquette is present and where it’s needed, but where we often don’t think of it, are these:
The Workplace (rules, yes; etiquette, not always)
Social Media!
Supermarkets
Public Transportation
Driving (laws, yes; etiquette, no)
Customer Service 800 Numbers
Community Meetings
And this is by no means an exhaustive list. You probably have some suggested topics to add; please send them in.
Now, why should this be? Etiquetteer’s theory is that it’s more comfortable to think of etiquette as something remote, and therefore not part of our daily lives. We don’t need it except occasionally. Looking at that first list, it’s interesting to note how much of it is either rooted in the past, inaccessible to our daily lives (comparatively few of us interact daily with the White House or the military, for instance), or a special event. But etiquette isn’t an historical artifact, it’s something we need every day, in every situation. And now more than ever. Knowing how to use a finger bowl is picturesque, but these days it’s not as helpful as knowing how to navigate self-checkout at a Big Box Store in the Time of the Coronavirus. Where do you think we need to think more about manners? Let Etiquetteer know!