The end of January is Etiquetteer’s official anniversary, though the reason is already lost in the mists of time. (Perhaps that was when the original website launched?) So, for a low-key celebration, here are links to a very subjective list of Etiquetteer’s Top Ten Columns, in random order:
NO GIFTS PLEASE: Etiquetteer explores the history of the notice “No gifts please” on party invitations, invoking examples from the lives of William Jennings Bryan and Nellie Taft.
CONDOLENCE CORRESPONDENCE: Etiquetteer lays out some helpful guidelines for writing to the bereaved . . . and for the bereaved when they write back.
HOW TO TAKE A PIE IN THE FACE: Because you never know what sort of challenge your Perfect Propriety may face, Etiquetteer goes into the history of the pie in the face in American cinema and life. “Etiquetteer imagines it might be tempting to eat some of that pie, but having been attacked with it, you have no reason to believe that its ingredients are friendly.”
RANDOM INFO AT THE LAST MINUTE BEFORE THANKSGIVING: It’s interesting to note that the very busiest day of all 2019 on Etiquetteer’s website was the day this column was published. “Etiquetteer still writhes with shame over a childhood Thanksgiving at which the meal was not the eagerly anticipated turkey but an entirely alien and foreign and totally strange leg of lamb. Childhood Etiquetteer was really very rude about it, inexcusably. Speak to any children in your care in advance, let them know about how interesting and fun it is to try new things, and that making a fuss is Not Perfectly Proper.”
THE RELEVANCE OF EMILY POST: Etiquetteer gets personal about the importance of the grandmother of all American etiquette writers, Emily Post Herself. “So why is Emily Post still relevant? Because people are still, still hurt by the bad behavior of others, and they need a refuge. They need reassurance that they are doing their best, have value in the larger social framework — that they matter!”
HOLIDAY PARTIES AT THE OFFICE: Etiquetteer’s essential guidelines for getting through this annual ritual with your career intact. “The stereotype of the drunk coworker is well known in American life, and there’s a reason: it really happens. Dorothy Parker’s witticism ‘One more drink and I’ll be under the host’ takes on alarming connotations when your host is the CEO of your company or, worse, your boss. Remember the wise words of Billie Holliday in “God Bless the Child:” ‘You can help yourself, but don’t take too much.’”
TIME FOR COCKTAIL ATTIRE: Etiquetteer defines one of the elusive dress codes so popular now, “cocktail attire.” “A lady’s Little Black Dress, especially one involving some sequins, demands that a gentleman dress up to it, and that means at a minimum a jacket and tie. Etiquetteer guarantees that it’s not too much trouble to make the effort.”
ETIQUETTEER REVIEWS DINNER IN CAMELOT: Joseph Esposito’s absorbing book at the Nobel laureate dinner given by President and Mrs. Kennedy was a lot of fun to research. ‘Handling mistakes, your own or others, with grace is one of the hallmarks of Perfect Propriety. Nobel Prize winner Pearl Buck got to talk with Mrs. George Marshall after dinner, who was so very pleased to meet her. ‘I enjoyed your book So Big,’ confusing her with Edna Ferber . . . Buck was gracious and simply thanked her.’”
THE MELTDOWN OF BRIDEZILLA: “Just in case you were wondering, no one owes you a wedding - except possibly your parents. Etiquetteer isn't going to inquire into your private life. But no one owes you a wedding, and you shouldn't expect everyone you've ever met in your entire life to pay for it, and you should certainly not charge a four-figure "entrance fee" to attend your wedding.”
ETIQUETTEER TOURS THE WHITE HOUSE: Etiquetteer shares important dos and don’ts for touring the Executive Mansion based on a personal tour in 2015. “Etiquetteer does not advise making political commentary on current or former occupants of the House to the Secret Service agents on duty. Staff of the House are loyal to the Presidency, and Etiquetteer thinks it courteous not to put any of them into a position of saying ‘No comment’ to an Impertinent Question, no matter how humorously or mock-humorously intended.”
Etiquetteer would like to share a Perfectly Proper THANK YOU to readers and correspondents who have (one hopes) been enjoying Etiquetteer’s message of Perfect Propriety all these years. Keep those cards and letters coming for another 19 years of Perfect Propriety!