Sweet mercy goodness, Thanksgiving Day is tomorrow! Before we really get into the thick of it, Etiquetteer has some random Perfect Propriety to toss out:
Drive safely. Depending on which weather service you prefer, in the next 24 hours different regions of the nation could be headed toward the Apocalypse, or just the next Ice Age. Your safe arrival means more than burnt marshmallows on the sweet potato casserole. Use discretion in plotting your travel, and for mercy’s sake, know how you’re going to get there before you get in the car.
Be sympathetic to the cashiers. It’s a tradition the night before Thanksgiving for folks to run to the supermarket either for a few forgotten items or every blessed ingredient on their menu. It can be a mob scene; that is awfully tough on the cashiers, especially if the scanner thingy stops working. Express kindness and courtesy to them, even though you yourself might be feeling stressed.
No cannabis in the menu unless everyone’s on board. Etiquetteer was surprised to learn that the cannabis revolution slowly taking place in the US has grown to include gravy. This leads Etiquetteer to remind you that it is not just Naughty, but Downright Unethical and Illegal to get people high without them knowing it*. Anything mind-altering on the menu needs to be labeled as such, and LIzzie Post even advises in Higher Etiquette to retain the packaging for questions.
Roll with the punches. A Venerable Old Gentleman with whom Etiquetteer used to plot the overthrow of self-aggrandizing parvenus once said “Expect three things to go wrong” when planning an event. And he was entirely right. And as long as you know in advance that something will go wrong, you’ll be better able to solve whatever that might be calmly when it happens.
Talk to the children now about food and expectations. Etiquetteer still writhes with shame over a childhood Thanksgiving at which the meal was not the eagerly anticipated turkey** but an entirely alien and foreign and totally strange leg of lamb. Childhood Etiquetteer was really very rude about it, inexcusably. Speak to any children in your care in advance, let them know about how interesting and fun it is to try new things, and that making a fuss is Not Perfectly Proper.
Remember the Cocoanut Grove. In 2019 Thanksgiving falls on the anniversary of the Cocoanut Grove nightclub fire. Don’t leave an open flame unattended***, know where all the fire exits are, and consider adding maple walnut ice cream to your menu in memory of Anthony Marra, the busboy who saved his life by sticking his head into a bucket of the stuff.
Thank the cooks. The women and men slaving over hot stoves and bubbling cauldrons deserve our thanks: with a toast around the table, with an individual word before you go, with a Lovely Note afterward, or even all of the above. Why not send a Lovely Note with your handprint decorated as a turkey? Wouldn’t that be memorable?!
Etiquetteer would like to wish you and yours a Perfectly Proper Thanksgiving.
*The cognoscenti will remember Harold in The Boys in the Band “turning my hateful mother on with the salad” because he forgot that he kept his stash in the oregano jar.
**So many Americans only eat turkey on Thanksgiving. It’s actually wonderful at any time.
***Many years ago Etiquetteer was at a party - not at Thanksgiving - when a lit taper just collapsed from within and nearly set the dining room on fire. Fortunately there was one quick-witted guest in the group; everyone else was frozen with shock!