Dear Etiquetteer:
The other day I wrote a thank-you note to a friend and then forgot to mail it. But maybe I didn’t. I have no memory of putting it in the mailbox, and yet I can’t find it on my desk where I wrote it. I don’t know if I should ask my friend if my note was received or not. If I do, would it look like I was fishing for compliments? And if I don’t, and it wasn’t received, I look neglectful. What should I do?
Dear Lettered:
Etiquetteer thinks there might be a bit of overthinking going on here. Overthinking and absentmindedness. You’re speaking of a friend here, and friends love us in spite of all our faults - at least in theory. Etiquetteer sees no harm in being completely candid with your friend and saying “I sent you the loveliest note, and now I can’t find it and still can’t even remember putting in the post. Did you get it?”
But if that’s really too much for you, just write a second Lovely Note and begin it “Still touched by how kind you were to . . . “ to give the gift or do the favor you’re writing about, as though it was so wonderful it deserved a second Lovely Note. Problem solved!
