Etiquetteer recently asked a friend “What’s bothering you the most about how people behave today?” And almost immediately he responded “The way people will say things online that they would never dream of saying in person.” That problem shows just how far the world of etiquette has moved from calling cards, gloves, and silver services.
Very, very few of us are exempt from this criticism, including That Mr. Dimmick Who Thinks He Knows So Much*. It underscores how very important it is to step away from the keyboard when we become — how to say this? — strongly moved. If you’re so angry that all people can see is your anger, you’re no longer serving your cause, or yourself, well.
That doesn’t mean not responding at all! Taking time to craft a substantive, less incendiary response makes online discussion more substantive and will go farther to sway others to your point of view. It sounds fussy to say that it “raises the tone,” too. But to Etiquetteer, that’s no small consideration. Profanity is a big part of this, and Etiquetteer has written about it before. Is profanity necessary to make a statement? More often than not, it only obscures the message.
The simplest solution for provocateurs and trolls is to block them, especially if they are total strangers. Do not engage! This is especially true for admins of social media groups, and Etiquetteer encourages them to block bad actors without mercy. So often these are obviously fake accounts; you’ll find tips on how to spot them here and here.
When people you know personally are, ahem, Making a Scene Online, you may need to comment “I think you and I need to discuss this privately” and then take it to the DMs** or — astonishing! — have a voice-to-voice conversation. More often than not, then they’ll back pedal their tone.
Let’s all of us do our part to lower the temperature, and thereby raise the understanding. What could be more Perfectly Proper?
*You should just see him now, glowering in the corner, trying to incinerate Etiquetteer with a Laserlike Stare, because he knows, he knows how often he’s been at fault.
**Direct Messages.