1) I am no longer myself. I am only Slime, Creature of the Phlegm Factory.
1a) "Here's Aunt Jemmie, and Aunt Clemmie, and oh look, here's Aunt Phlegmmie!"
2) Yesterday I actually did get a reasonable amount of work done for the office, including an important breakthrough on a special project. As Stephen Sondheim taught us, "A girl has to celebrate what passes by."
3) My V***'s V**-o-Rub expired in 2015. How wonderful that I've been in such good health for so long that I havent needed it.