Dear Etiquetteer:
I need your help now because it’s almost Christmas and I don’t have my letter ready. I should have written to you earlier, but I didn’t. Can I get away with not sending a letter?
For years now I’ve sent out a Christmas letter with family news with our Christmas cards. Some people tell me they look forward to it every year. This year I am just not feeling it. I cannot muster the energy to make a crappy year sound great. We’ve been hit by the pandemic, but not any worse than anyone else we know. I just feel like I’m letting people down if I can’t keep going with this tradition that people say they enjoy, but I am just empty of ideas. Is there any way I can just send cards and not deal with this?
Dear Lettering:
First of all, Etiquetteer wants you to know that you are not alone in feeling this way and that a lot of people are feeling the struggle to keep Christmas Christmassy this year. Whether it’s the pandemic, the personal, or the political, the pressure is palpable. Etiquetteer really wants you to sit down with someone close to you — someone in your family or a best friend — and talk through what’s on your mind. Remember that old saying: “A joy shared is a joy doubled, but a trouble shared is a trouble halved.”
Now, this may surprise you, but Etiquetteer will give you a complete pass on sending out holiday cards altogether. There’s no requirement to send them out; even the thought of mailing cards robs some folks of the True Spirit of Christmas. Besides, the general rule for striking someone off a holiday card list is three years of no word, so you’ve still got two years in the bank. If freedom from this task will help you regain some holiday spirit, then it’s worth saving the cards you bought this year for next year.
If you do decide to send cards, the bare minimum you need to write is “Love, [Insert Your Name Here].” As the spirit moves you, add individual notes like “Wishing you the best New Year” or “Merry Christmas” or “We all miss you so much” or something very specific to that person.
Should you mention the absence of your usual letter? Etiquetteer doesn’t think it’s necessary. If people ask about it, which could happen, you can quite honestly say “The spirit didn’t move me to write one this year, but maybe next year I’ll resume it” or “Things just got away from me this season. I appreciate you checking about it.” Remember the words of the late Roxie Hart: “Always leave ‘em wanting more.”
And frankly, going without a letter one year might remind your card list just how much they do appreciate hearing from you. In her book The Party, Sally Quinn wrote about her very popular New Year’s Eve party — but that some years she and her husband would just pass on the whole thing and have a nice quiet New Year’s at the country house. Sometimes their quiet would be shattered by a phone call from a friend standing outside their Washington home yelling “Where’s the party?!” Etiquetteer bets they didn’t take that invitation for granted in future years!
Whatever you decide, Etiquetteer wishes for you a lightening of the spirit, and joy in the holiday greetings you receive from others.