A Letter to Size 34

Dear Size 34,

I don't know if you'll be upset or relieved to get this message, but I've finally had to face the awful truth about us. Our relationship has become more and more confining, and I simply can't take any more. I need freedom, and I've decided that - for now, anyway - I'm moving in with Size 36.

You need to know, Size 34, that I don't blame you; this is not your fault! This is totally on me. My summer fling with B** & J****'s hurt you, I know. After awhile I could tell what a strain it was for you to embrace me, and all this after our years of cosy, supportive intimacy. My unfaithfulness damaged our snug relationship, but even so, I kept trying to make it work. Oh, how I tried! But lately you've become so spiteful. All the pinching, the clinging, the grasping - yes, I've noticed. And now it's just unbearable.

So, we need some time apart. Who knows, after a few months, Size 36 may start to slip away from me, and I know I'll want to come back to you then. But . . . will you have me? Will our memories of the days of our perfect fit be enough to start over? I hope, with enough time to reflect, that we'll both be able to say Yes.

With love and regret,