GIFTS TO PROMOTE PERFECT PROPRIETY:

Etiquetteer's 2006 Holiday Gift Guide

This year, for the first time ever, Etiquetteer wants to call your attention to the ordinary items that lend Perfect Propriety to our daily lives. Frequently overlooked these days, Etiquetteer offers for your consideration holiday gifts that will encourage Perfect Propriety and, in some cases, no little amusement . . .

Tea Strainer

Too many people have forgotten that a Perfectly Proper pot of tea cannot be made with a teabag. Oh no! The tea must "gang free" as Robert Burns used to say, allowed to swirl uninhibited through the boiling water. Etiquetteer wouldn't even feel it necessary to mention this if Etiquetteer hadn’t recently seen a whole display of ceramic teabag holders, sort of like ashtrays for teabags. To eliminate the need for these Improper accessories, Etiquetteer feels obliged to point out the virtues of a tea strainer. It fits easily over each teacup and strains all the leaves out. Tea Treasures happily offers a model at only $14, sure to delight any Perfectly Proper tea drinker.

Cup and Saucer

Etiquetteer’s intermittent Campaign to Bring Back the Saucer needs to take more of a stand during the holidays. Nothing could encourage Perfect Propriety more than actually sitting down to enjoy a cup of tea or coffee instead of gulping on the go from a paper cup or leaky thermos.

Not that eBay needs an additional link anywhere, but Etiquetteer has seen some exquisite teacups there for surprisingly good prices.

For a touch of whimsy -- and a glimpse of the future, too -- Atelier Daguerre offers a cup and saucer for reading tea leaves ($34). Almost makes Etiquetteer want to reread Graham Greene’s Travels With My Aunt.

Back when Brahmin ladies were still vigorously involved in the battle for equal rights for women, Alva Vanderbilt held an important conference for suffragettes at Marble House, her not-at-all overdone Newport "cottage." For the occasion she commissioned a "Votes for Women" dinner service which the Society for the Preservation of Newport County has reproduced for sale. Needless to say, Etiquetteer is fondest of the cup and saucer.

A beautiful variety of cups and saucers will also delight you at Tea Treasures.

Handkerchief:

Now don’t get Etiquetteer wrong. Facial tissues definitely have their place. Etiquetteer knows many ladies who wouldn’t dream of stepping into a public restroom without an efficient pack of tissues for restroom emergencies. But an honest-to-goodness cloth handkerchief remains the Perfectly Proper accessory for ladies and gentlemen.

Once upon a time kerchiefs used to be huge; they were not just used for blowing the nose, but also as scarves, headdresses, and probably napkins, too. We are all familiar with the stereotype of the beautiful Victorian lady dropping her large lace-trimmed hanky to attract gentlemen. These days things are much simpler. And even more novel: the Advice for Ladies linen handkerchiefs from Atelier Daguerre are dainty, useful, and amusing all at the same time.

The best handkerchiefs are 100% linen or cotton. Irish linen has been very popular for generations. J&R Designs stocks and monograms the most severely correct linen handkerchiefs for men. For the ladies, Etiquetteer will confess a fondness for their Venice Lace Monogrammed Handkerchief. And be sure to look for hemstitched handkerchiefs! This means that there will be an embroidered border around all four sides. Look out for some of those economy-sized packs of cloth hankies. Not only are they not 100% natural fibers sometimes, they also stitch around only three sides of the hankie, leaving the "selvedge" edge on the fourth side.

When shopping for gentlemen, please remember not to confuse a hankie with a "pocket square." Perfectly Proper gentlemen carry "one to show and one to blow." The pocket square stays firmly and visibly in the breast pocket of a gentleman’s jacket. When it is not a Perfectly Proper white, it usually coordinates with his tie.

Gloves

Once upon a time no lady was fully dressed without crisp white kid gloves. Those days may not come back, but Etiquetteer lives in Joyful Hope that it might be so. Over in Europe there’s a glove designer, Les Gants d'Ines, creating beautiful leather gloves that will pass perfectly (as long as you order them in "my cloud," their version of "white.") Leather Gloves Online also purveys an embroidered white lambskin glove ($74.95), but their Wedding Gloves with Wrist Button are truest to the past ($84.95).

Ladies going the extra mile will want to investigate the Traditional Red Lipstick, especially the shades, Navy Red, Cherries in the Snow or Fire and Ice (Revlon), and the looks-like-you've-been-tearing-at-someone's-throat beauty of Jungle Red (Nars).

Pen

A good quality pen remains one of the most basic accessories for any Perfectly Proper Professional -- indeed, for any Lady or Gentleman. Etiquetteer knows this from Bitter Experience, having once gotten in a great deal of trouble by using the Wrong Pen (but that’s a story for another time . . . )

The Classic Century Pen by Cross still stands as the benchmark of what a pen should be. (It also, to Etiquetteer’s surprise, only hit the market in 1946, making this year its 60th birthday.) This "icon of mid-century design" looks Perfectly Proper in anyone’s hand and appears in a range of prices, from Lustrous Chrome ($30) to 18K gold ($850).

Card case

While the onerous custom of "leaving cards" has disappeared for generations, anyone in business can still use a good card case to make the right impression. You might think that’s by having an ostentatious accessory, but a card case preserves the crisp corners of the card much more than a wallet or pocket can do. Just don’t call attention to yourself whipping it out.

Tiffany & Co. has several beautiful sterling silver card cases, but Etiquetteer has singled out the Tiffany Plaid card case ($225) as the most elegant of the collection. For air travel a leather card case is much more convenient – anything to reduce the amount of metal on one’s person! Levenger offers a lovely "Victory" card case in leather ($32) and Gifts for Professionals includes some ladylike pastels ($14.95).

Holiday Foodstuffs

Those who bring hostess gifts sometimes get tired of bringing wine and fruitcake to their holiday hosts. Etiquetteer was delighted to discover a Victorian Christmas tradition, the Peppermint Pig ($16.95). The could become the most deliciously destructive Christmas parlor game ever!

If you’re like Etiquetteer, you’ve heard "And visions of sugarplums danced in their heads" and never had a sugarplum ($14.95 for a box of six). That can easily be rectified this year thanks to Vermont Country Store!

Stationery

Crane & Co. remains the standard for Perfectly Proper stationery and Etiquetteer thinks it's high time more people started noticing and using their elegant lines of correspondence cards. "Always in good taste," as Crane's will tell you. Boxes of ten range from $12 - $34.

Etiquetteer is also fond of the very amusing cards produced by Bellamuse ($20 for a set of six). Some of the "Saucy Bella" collection are far from Perfectly Proper (translation: Etiquetteer's mother had better not look), but the cards under Holiday, Bella Jardin, and Bella in Love could not charm one more. They can personalize them for you, too!

Books

Hemingway and Bailey’s Bartending Guide to Great American Writers blends literary anecdote with cocktail concoctions of yore for a heady brew indeed! ($15.95)

White Trash Etiquette by Dr. Verne Edstrom, Esq., makes Etiquetteer shudder but might make you laugh like a drain. ($9.95) Includes the oxymoron "decent trash."

On a much more civilized note, Jane Austen’s Guide to Good Manners reviews the Ps and Qs of Miss Austen’s day as seen through her novels and correspondence. Deliciously illustrated. ($14.95)

For the baker in your life, Etiquetteer recommends Heirloom Baking with the Brass Sisters. A worthy back-up to the original Joy of Cooking has not been found until now. "An irresistible document of American food history" is how it’s described, and Etiquetteer thinks Jane and Michael Stern may at last have a run for their money.

Budding writers of all ages should go back to the roots of good language with Style: Toward Clarity and Grace.

Peggy Post’s latest offering, Excuse Me, but I Was Next . . . : How to Handle the Top 100 Manners Dilemmas really does cover it all.

Etiquetteer cordially invites you to join the notify list if you would like to know as soon as new columns are posted. Join by sending e-mail to notify <at> etiquetteer.com.