Dear
Etiquetteer:
What has this world come to?
This week's letters are the final
straw for me.... not the most egregious examples, just the final straw.
I'm grown horribly tired of these people who have nothing better to
do than become squeamish over the passing of crumbs or the touching
of fingers or being anywhere where someone's dry lips may have passed.
If I see one more anti-bacterial product I think I really will become
sick.
Oh yes this woman at the book club used her cracker as a scoop...
really, so what is quite so terrible? Nice suggestion from you to
the host that she encourage use of the knife provided but all these
guests grossed out? I find myself wondering what sort of plastic bubble
they live within.
I appreciate that our modern, polite society pays attention to hygiene
and is thoughtful enough to wish to avoid passing illness onto others.
Covering one's sneeze, not sniffling all day over a co-workers desk,
rodent control and all -- wonderful progress. But science has shown
that living in too sterile an environment is actually bad for one's
health.
I hear about people absolutely disgusted by people who lick their
fingers in order to effectively separate stuck papers. Not the nicest
thing I suppose but is that really worth getting one's knickers in
a twist? Unfortunately many are responding to this sort of grousing
so that at mass on Sunday some communities are no longer encouraging
worshippers to exchange a handshake as a gesture of peace. The latest
and most distressing are calls to no longer share the communion cup
of wine -- the very symbol of the faith and commonality -- because
it's "gross." Really. Good enough for our Lord Jesus Christ
but we're all above it all now I guess.
Just when is this going to stop? I fear we are becoming a cold people,
unable to appreciate the sensuous pleasures of life and love. I appreciate
concerns about passing of colds or VD or unpleasantness of any kind.
I appreciate common manners and would never encourage slob-like dinner
guest but really, things are going too far.
Dear Forthright:
Thank you for expressing your opinion so thoughtfully. Like you, Etiquetteer
laments the super-fussiness of those who cannot stomach sharing a
Communion chalice or even shake hands. We are losing what Nathaniel
Hawthorne once called "the chain of human sympathies." If
more people remembered to wear their crisp white kid gloves to church
we wouldn’t have these problems . . .
Now all that said, Etiquetteer needs to leap gallantly to the defense
of the book club made squeamish by the pillaging of the Brie. Etiquetteer
was not present at the time, but it certainly does sound as if Brie
Woman’s standard of personal hygiene was not at the level of
the others present, perhaps not anywhere near it. Imagine, if you
will, that Brie Woman had thoughtfully covered a sneeze with her bare
hand and then reached over with a small cracker to chop out more Brie,
which unavoidably got all over her fingers. Anyone watching this would
automatically think that the residue of her sneeze was all over the
Brie. Etiquetteer would definitely passing up the cheese course under
those circumstances . . .
So Etiquetteer must both agree and disagree with you. Now let us join
hands and pray each to the Deity of One’s Choice that our common
humanity will emerge victorious in the long run.
Dear Etiquetteer:
Having eased the pain of a Monday just a little by reading Etiquetteer,
I want to mention, for clarity's sake, something that gave me an uncomfortable
twinge while reading about doorway
décor.
A mezuzah is, indeed, a religious symbol, yet discreetly applied,
and in a very particular way. Unlike a wreath or a celebratory banner,
however, it is not an option -- it is an obligation, a commandment.
It is not a statement to the world, either -- it's a reminder of personal
responsibility to the inhabitant who has placed it on his/her doorpost.
The idea that it is "allowed" suggests that it might be
"disallowed," which suggests a misunderstanding of its presence.
(I don't even want to think about the issue of Chanukah menorahs.)
Dear Doorposting:
Quite true, but what Etiquetteer has seen, alas, is that what is commanded
by one’s religion is not always allowed by one’s condo association.
Like you, Etiquetteer firmly believes that such a gesture is not an
option. And this means that one must examine one’s condo documents
very carefully to be sure that no such restriction is in place. Good
heavens, the fondness for gated communities (talk about removing oneself
from "the chain of human sympathies" . . . ) with restrictions
of yard display has kept patriotic Americans from flying the flag
on their own property, which certainly can’t be right.
Find
yourself at a manners crossroads and don't know where to go? Ask Etiquetteer
at query@etiquetteer.com!
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