PERSONAL APPEARANCE

Vol. 2, Issue 29, September 15, 2003

Dear Etiquetteer:

I manage a group of women in an office who have, without knowing it, become fashion victims. Most of these women are under 30 and have adopted the new "low-rise" fashion for jeans and slacks. The only problem is when they wear thong underwear; it’s frequently visible over their waistlines – and often more than that when they’re bent down over the filing cabinets.

I’m embarrassed to have to tell anyone that their underwear is showing, and yet this fashion doesn’t seem appropriate for the workplace. How can I communicate that they should change what they wear?

Dear Timid Supervisor:

Before Etiquetteer explains to you how an interoffice memo works, let us ask what happened to the Career Girl of Another Era. Striding briskly through the office in a twin set, pearls, and serge skirt, perky pageboy bob bouncing along, who only needed to add a brooch, a pat of powder and a dash of Cherries in the Snow or Navy Red lipstick before rushing off to an evening’s entertainment with her swain – has she gone the way of the typewriter? Come back, Career Girl of Another Era! We need you to show us how to be Perfectly Proper in the workplace!

Ladies and gentlemen wear underwear, but they do not need to prove it by making sure that you see them wearing it. Etiquetteer has been affronted quite a lot recently by other’s people underwear. The other day at the supermarket Etiquetteer had to walk very slowly behind a woman who substituted a pair of white athletic tights for a skirt, rippled and ridged like the Rockies, deeply creased where Etiquetteer did not even want to think about them being deeply creased. She should have known better (everyone should know better). It was all Etiquetteer could do to keep from whistling "Baby Elephant Walk" on the way out, which would have been Most Improper.

So, it’s time to Protect the Public From Your Undergarments – or in this case, the undergarments of your staff. You can do this in one of three ways:

• Talk about it casually at one of your staff meetings ("We’re all supposed to work together closely as a team, but that doesn’t mean that some things shouldn’t be private.")
• Interoffice memo:

To: Staff

From: Management

Re: Panties

Please note that everyone can see your panties. Especially when you bend over. All staff members are requested to dress in such a way that panties are not visible, or at least stop bending over. This policy goes into effect immediately.

• Consult with your human resources director, circulate the official policy, and follow up with those who haven’t responded after two weeks.

Or you could drop icecubes down the backs of offenders when they’re filing. Of course you’ll become known as the Office Ice Queen if you start that, but heavy lies the head that wears a crown.

Dear Etiquetteer:

This has happened to me twice recently and I can’t figure out a comfortable way to react. I met a guy recently and went out on a couple dates with him. At the end of the third date we were kissing prettily heavily at my front door and I began to run my fingers through his hair. Ordinarily I really like to do this, but this time his hair started moving – it was a toupée! Etiquetteer, I was really embarrassed by this; we both tensed up, and the date ended awkwardly.

That would be one thing, but I went out with someone else the next week and the same thing happened. Icky! Both these men were very nice, but I don’t like the idea of being restricted when I’m kissing someone.

Dear Toupée-Tangled Tammy:

Reading letters like yours, Etiquetteer wishes that the turban had caught on more for men. Contrary to the baseball cap, you can wear a turban indoors.

But at the stage of intimacy you describe, recommending headgear is too little, too late. After this discovery, just keep your hands below the hairline. If he starts talking about it then, just listen. On the next date, if there is one, gently plant the idea of shaving it all off. Baldness is infinitely better than carpeting.

Find yourself at a manners crossroads and don't know where to go? Ask Etiquetteer at query@etiquetteer.com!

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