Dear
Etiquetteer:
Please tell me what etiquette demands in the following situation:
two persons are conversing at a party when a third person approaches
and joins the conversation or merely says "Hello" to one
or both of the people talking. Should the conversation be interrupted
to introduce the third person, who is obviously not known to one of
the first two?
I have always done so, but recently I’ve found myself simply
being ignored once the third person joins me and my original companion
who knows the third person. I believe that everyone standing (or sitting)
in the same area ought to be introduced to the others in the group.
Thanks for you columns.
Dear Apex of the Triangle of Talk:
Etiquetteer rejoices that you have dispatched this query, having himself
been at the apex of the Triangle of Talk too many times to tell. And
yet this is a common hazard of the Ebb and Flow of Party Chat. One
does not attend a cocktail party for the quality of the conversation,
which whirls and eddies over the guests like a river current over
rocks, subjects and players changing every 30 seconds. It’s almost
enough to make one Stay at Home, but Etiquetteer encourages you to
venture out to a Dinner Party instead, where the conversation allegedly
has more structure.
When talking with one person and approached by another at a party,
Etiquetteer always takes the opportunity to introduce the latter to
the former. The three elements of this introduction are 1) The names
of each person, 2) how you know each other, and 3) the topic at hand.
So if Don Apex approaches Etiquetteer and Abby Corner, deep in chatter,
and says "Hello," Etiquetteer responds, "Oh hello Don!
Abby, do you know Don Apex? We met recently at a Civil War reenactment.
Abby was just telling me how the new zoning regulations are going
to destroy urban life as we know it in the next two years. How have
you seen this affect your neighborhood?"
Now, if you continue to be ignored after introducing one or both of
the parties, Etiquetteer advises you to retreat, weaving through the
crowd and taking Small Nervous Sips of your cocktail. Find Another
Lost Soul, introduce yourself, and start an independent conversation.
Sic transit gloria cocktail party.
Dear Etiquetteer:
Is it anyone in particular’s job to dissuade conversation about
religion or politics at a party? Being that these subjects can bring
out the beast in guests, is it the job of the host or hostess to "bring
up something else" in a hurry, or just be blatant and announce
that perhaps we should move on to another subject? Just wondering
. . .
Dear Caught in the Crossfire:
Etiquetteer does regret that not everyone has been raised to avoid
Religion and Politics at Social Occasions. Those who offend the worst
are known as Boors. They insist too forcefully on their views, squashing
the Free Exchange of Ideas so vigorous at a dinner party and such
an important part of our National Discourse. Don't invite them back
if you've had to warn them more than twice.
Your host and
hostess control the conversation, especially in their own home. Their
responsibility includes changing the topic, by fair means or forceful.
Etiquetteer suggests tapping the most Voluble Offender playfully with
your fan and say "La, Hubert, how you do run on! How can you
speak of (insert Offensive Topic here) on such a beautiful evening?
Let’s find something more pleasant to talk about."
One brings out the Big Guns of an Unmistakable Order as a last resort,
saying with Infinite Regret "This subject is an unwelcome one
as there are so many strong opinions." One then suggests a more
benign topic – cooking, gardening, historic preservation, 19th
century fiction, or of course the weather – and runs with it.
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