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Dear
Etiquetteer:
Is it inappropriate for a male to simply walk down the street shirtless?
There are universally accepted situations in which this is appropriate
(e.g.,
the beach, basketball, volleyball or any infinite number of other
sports,
going out running/jogging), but is it appropriate -- even on a hot,
humid day
-- just to walk through Harvard Square barechested, regardless of
physique?
Dear “I’m So Beautiful Everyone Wants to Look at Me:”
Etiquetteer cordially invites you to get over yourself.
It is inappropriate for a -gentleman- to walk down the street shirtless.
Sadly to Etiquetteer, not all men understand that they are supposed
to be
gentlemen -- especially men who’ve spent all winter at the gym
pumping,
pumping, pumping, and don’t care about anything but preening
and posing before
the world. They are wrong. They must be educated that the sight of
their
torsos on the public streets, whether fit or flabby, pierced or pristine,
is
inappropriate. Stop it at once, or Etiquetteer, wearing a flawlessly
cut
seersucker suit to deflect the rays of the sun, will handcuff you
to a
haberdasher.
Dear Etiquetteer:
July 4th is almost here, and I am trying to prepare for a situation
that came
up at our church before, namely playing “The Star-Spangled Banner”
during the
church service. This song glorifies images of war and violence, which
do not
have a place in a house of worship. Several of us in the congregation
would
prefer “America the Beautiful” instead, which celebrates
the natural beauty of
our country. Nobody’s come to blows over this, but opinions are
sharply divided.
Dear Musical Militant:
Etiquetteer would like to remind you that the United States of America
permits
freedom of religion, a freedom not enjoyed by millions of people around
the
world. Etiquetteer considers it a necessary gesture of gratitude for
churchgoers to include the national anthem in services near Independence
Day,
whether that national anthem is “The Star-Spangled Banner,”
“America the
Beautiful,” or “Old McDonald Had a Farm.” Until such
a time as legislation
changes the national anthem to another song, you’re stuck with
the rockets red
glare and the bombs bursting in air.
That said, Etiquetteer sees nothing wrong with following the national
anthem
with “America the Beautiful,” which ought to accommodate
everyone. And if you
don’t wish to sing “The Star-Spangled Banner,” just
close your eyes and think
of England.
Dear Etiquetteer:
As we rapidly approach the first anniversary of the September 11 tragedy,
I
must ask how one should deal with one’s neighbors who insist
on hanging their
American Flag out of their window like a musty bed sheet?
I don’t want to be too harsh, and have subscribed to the principle
that
discretion is the better part of valor, up to this point, fearing
that they
may have lost a loved one or colleague in the attacks. We, as a nation,
desperately need a refresher on proper flag etiquette and the proper
place for
flags, poles, and bunting. We look to the Etiquetteer for guidance.
Dear Flagwaver:
Since we are even more rapidly approaching another date on which Our
Flag is
displayed prominently, Independence Day, this is an appropriate time
to
discuss How to Wave Your Flag.
First of all, you appear to be mistaking your neighbor’s flag
for a matador’s
cape. It’s important to see the white and blue as well as the
red. Deal with
this by displaying your own flag, using one of those handy brackets
from the
hardware store to affix it to your front door or window. This appears
neither
more nor less proper than the way you describe your neighbor’s
display, as
long as you both keep the flag from touching the ground, and take
it in at
night unless it’s directly lit. Indeed, Etiquetteer has seen
several
households hang the flag inside their front windows, although it does
give a
more collegiate appearance.
As you continue to observe the less-than-Martha-quality flag next
door,
Etiquetteer encourages you to reflect on the nature of freedom.
ETIQUETTEER, Encouraging Perfect Propriety in an Imperfect World
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Copyright 2002 by Robert B. Dimmick
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