THEATRE ETIQUETTE - Vol. 1, Issue 23, November 8, 2002

Today's letters concern the THEATRE, as well as a messy situation in a RECEIVING LINE:

Dear Etiquetteer:

My enjoyment of a choral performance was marred by the speaking voice of a person sitting behind me. The concert contained a number of cabaret-type amusements which were, as being performed, being described by the person seated behind me. I could hear every word of his interpretation of the events on stage. In the middle of my third ineffective glare in his direction I noticed that his companion was blind and from physical appearance, apparently living with other serious maladies. I refrained from further glares and the talking continued. Although I believe that talking during a performance is never appropriate I could not bring myself to speak up to the offender as I had been about to do. My feelings of sympathy to the situation behind me conflicted with the rudeness I felt was being projected by the narrator's lack of concern for others. How would you have handled this?

Dear Guiltily Compassionate: Political correctness always seems to rear its head in the theatre, both onstage and in the house, everybody always whining about their rights. But Etiquetteer wants to applaud you for your compassion for the miserable blind wretch sitting behind you, who surely had no other way to enjoy the performance than to have his friend describe it as it was happening. Virtue is its own reward, a system Etiquetteer has never been particularly happy about, but you have at least earned the respect of Etiquetteer for your understanding. Had the narrator been narrating into a cell phone, of course, your glare would be entirely appropriate.

Dear Etiquetteer:

It seems to me that standing ovations have become the convention. My understanding is that the standing ovation is for recognition of a performance or achievement which is truly extraordinary. Nowadays, standing ovations are commonplace. There have been many times when I have risen not because I feel the performance was spectacular, but because those around me have risen. Can you provide some guidance on the circumstances which warrant the standing ovation, and whether it is impolite to express one's opinion of mediocrity by remaining seated?

Dear Literal:

Etiquetteer is reminded of that sparkling cultural tyrant, Goethe, who sternly controlled the theatre audience from his box, permitting only applause or silence to respond to a performance. We could certainly use a Goethe here.

In the United States, Etiquetteer has come to feel that standing ovations are more often an emotional response to the performance rather than a critique of its artistic merit. There is sometimes a sense of obligation, as for instance, a choral performance when 80% of the audience is personally acquainted with at least one chorister.

And then there are those people who use the standing O to slink hurriedly out of the theatre, thinking no one will notice. Was Edith Wharton far from the mark when she said “that Americans want to get away from amusement even more quickly than they want to get to it” in “The Age of Innocence”?

You are entirely within your rights to remain seated, but Etiquetteer knows from experience that you can’t see any of the commotion onstage through a sea of shoulders. And you could end up in a tiresome and pointless discussion with your companions afterward which could spoil your champagne and hash at that elegant midnight supper after the performance.

Dear Etiquetteer:

This was a new experience and I still don't know what I should have done. As one of the hosts of a function, I was second in a receiving line. As I turned from introducing the “guest star,” from the corner of my eye, I saw a man just received by my co-host. He was re-wrapping his hand with his hankie. My co-host, handed him over looking as if she had just swallowed a bug and mumbled his name. The hankie did not look "fresh" to say the least. Resisting the urge to run away, I quickly grasped the tips of two fingers and I, too, mumbled a name. I didn't dare look to see how our guest of honor handled the situation but only prayed that he didn't think it was a local custom! We are all still at a loss over what should we should have done. Help us!

Dear Dainty:

Really, as long as your bandaged guest didn’t think he was the bug that was swallowed, there’s not much else you could have done. But the right accessories could have saved the day. Situations like this make Etiquetteer wish that crisp white gloves had not gone out of style. You could then offer your hand with confidence that only your glove would need to be disinfected later, not your whole hand. Elbow length for evening dress, please, wrist-length for a formal luncheon. What a pity we can’t run off to Stearn’s right this minute for a pair!

You could also follow the lead of First Lady Edith Roosevelt and debutantes past and present by holding a bouquet, leaving your neck free to nod with dignity and cordiality as you receive your guests. Etiquetteer wishes you would; it’s high time someone else combined dignity and cordiality along with Etiquetteer. The only thing you’ll have to endure is the tiresome repetition of “Where’s the groom?” Still it’s preferable to the Mamie Eisenhower method of waving from the nearest stair landing as the guests file by . . .