RANDOM POINTS - Vol. 1, Issue 22, November 3, 2002

Dear Etiquetteer:

A friend of mine for the ninth time made plans to meet socially and for the ninth time e-mailed me with an explanation of how something had come up that kept him from keeping our plans, how sorry he was and a request not to be mad. While each time the excuses were within reason my friend doesn’t seem to grasp that I have been left feeling let down or at the best in the lurch. I am no longer responding to his e-mails but feel that perhaps a stronger non-passive way to respond might be needed to set things straight. Please advise!

Dear Blind as a Bat:

Etiquetteer thinks you should seek medical assistance at once, as you are obviously delusional. Anybody who breaks a social engagement -nine times- clearly does not want to spend any time with you at all. If he had any breeding, he would not behave so disgracefully. Sever all connections at once, and let your icy silence be as the back of your hand against this person’s cheek.

Dear Etiquetteer:

I occasionally pick up and read newspapers that have been left on the subway. When I am done with it, should I fold the paper up neatly and leave it for the next person, or take it with me, as requested by the conductor? Should I offer it to another rider who shows interest in it? Would my obligation be different if I brought the newspaper onto the subway myself?

Dear Literate:

Once you pick up an abandoned newspaper on public transportation, it is then your responsibility just as if you'd purchased it. By all means offer it to another rider, especially if their expressed interest invades your personal space.

Etiquetteer believes that the sign in the subway says “Always obey the instructions of the train crew,” or some such. If the conductor tells you to take that paper with you, then you darn well better take it. Etiquetteer agrees really, preferring you to contribute to the general neatness by taking the paper with you and throwing it away in the nearest receptacle instead of leaving it for a less tidy person than yourself.

Speaking of train travel, Etiquetteer was initially amused not long ago to hear a train conductor, a forthright young lady, declare that anyone buying tickets on the train would be excused the surcharge if they remembered to say “Please” and “Thank you.” A light ripple of laughter throughout the car indicated that not many surcharges would be collected on that trip! But after reflection, Etiquetteer considered it sad that people had to be bribed to behave with Perfect Propriety.

Think about it for a moment. When was the last time you remembered to use the Magic Words with a service person: a waiter or waitress, movie usher, box office staff, conductor, or customer service representative. In a Great Nation where we are all Created Equal, we all deserve to be treated courteously. The other side of the coin is that we are then obligated to treat everyone else with courtesy -- without being tipped to do so.

Tuesday, November 5 is Election Day. In the spirit of Not Caring What You Want or How You Feel Keeping You from Doing What Is Perfectly Proper, Etiquetteer wants to remind you all to Get Your Patootie to the Polls and Vote Your Conscience. Etiquetteer has heard all the excuses before: too busy, no place to park, lengthy lines, loathsome candidates, utter apathy on the issues, etc. etc. ad nauseum. It does not matter at all. While wagging an Admonitory Digit at you, Etiquetteer would remind you that South Africans waited in line for -three days- to cast their votes after apartheid was lifted. It makes a 45-minute wait seem mighty insignificant by comparison. Oppressed peoples around the world are fighting to the death for the Right to Vote, which staggering numbers of Americans take for granted. Don’t make Etiquetteer come after you; get out there and cast your vote!

Voting need not be such an unpleasant experience. Go to the polls with people you know, a book or newspaper, and a non-alcoholic Beverage of Your Choice to pass the time. Remember to -smile- at people whether or not you’ve had your coffee and agree with their politics, and to acknowledge the election officials with courtesy. Indeed, if it’s possible, vote on your lunch hour, or take the day off from work and vote at a non-peak time. It’s a Perfectly Proper Thing to Do!