Dearest
Etiquetteer:
While always
enjoying your thoughtful counsel on the finer points of civilized
comportment, one hopes that one might offer well-intentioned and discreet
feedback on the rare occasion that [readers] might benefit from an
additional perspective.” So writes one thoughtful correspondent,
and Etiquetteer is delighted to agree! Herewith, to celebrate Etiquetteer’s
tenth column, a selection of reader responses:
On Waving Our Flag:
In addition to the two flag etiquette rules you point out, there is
one other egregious error that flag displayers make: when hanging
a flag vertically, the blue field is always in the flag’s upper
right hand corner. Many people believe that you merely rotate the
flag ninety degrees, but that results in the blue field being in the
flag’s upper left corner -- AND THAT’S WRONG!! Finally,
with the abundance of flags displayed post-September 11, it should
be noted that when a flag becomes unserviceable, it should be burned
or buried.
On Hotel Business:
While you are correct about business not being conducted in a room
where any seating arrangement includes a bed, business should not
be conducted in a hotel lobby or any public space either, unless the
business is pleasantries
without substance. Without sounding too Big-Brotherish, you never
know who might be listening. Two instances:
1. In an airport a sales manager at my company overheard the sales
manager of another company disclosing how he had rigged a test to
favor his company, including names and activities. The sales manager
for my company stayed close, pretending to be on the phone, jotting
notes. He then used the information to overturn the sale decision
and initiate a new test. In the end, my company got the sale.
2. On a plane flight I referred negatively to an aspect of my company’s
product to a colleague. At the end of our flight, the gentleman next
to me told me that business should never be conducted in a public
space, as you do not know who is around you. He offered two instances
where information he overheard enabled him to reverse a decision.
I glanced at the tag on his briefcase; he worked for an agency that
could become a customer of my company.
On Acknowledging
Colleagues in the Hospital:
When I was in the hospital after a death-defying fall, one of my staff
came to visit the day after surgery. She also brought contracts for
me to sign. I must tell you, having been under the influence of morphine
for three days by that point, I have no recollection of the visit
or of signing the contracts. You gave sound advice!
On Issuing Invitations via E-mail:
An e-mail invitation? Ye, gods! Is this some sort of tacky thing done
by Yankees? We always considered a phone call to a good friend or
relative to a very informal cookout to be the bottom of the punch
bowl; e-mail invitations should be considered the used chewing gum
stuck under movie theatre arm rests. I would say more but my lace
mitts were overly starched by Mammy.
Etiquetteer responds:
One has to be so careful about starch, especially with lace. As to
e-mail invitations, they should be treated just like a phone call
as they are essentially the same thing. On the other hand, after a
brief flirtation with evite.com, Etiquetteer is not a big endorser
of such services. They compromise one’s privacy unless the host
restricts access to the guest list and replies, and also open up your
recipients to torrents of spam unless they know which buttons to click
when responding to the invitation. Better just to send an e-mail from
one’s own service.
*****
On Proper Hostess Gifts:
Believing Etiquetteer to be open to additional views, I humbly submit
one for your consideration in the matter of what to bring to a dinner
party. I wholeheartedly concur that a guest does not need to "earn
his keep" by showing up for dinner with a gift. However, a bottle
of wine is always welcome in my home, especially if a moment of thought
has been given to it ("I picked up a Rioja because I think it
deserves to be drunk more often" or "Chablis has been downtrodden
long enough, so I'm beginning a one-woman campaign to resurrect it".)
Further, while
I adore flowers, I suggest that showing up with cut flowers can present
a challenge to the host if the gathering is larger than a few people.
This because the host will want to take the time to select an appropriate
vase
and cut and arrange the flowers in the midst of attempting to offer
refreshment and convivial conversations/introductions to his guests.
Sending arrangements in their own vases ahead of time is quite another
matter; it is most thoughtful and gives the host the opportunity to
place the flowers in a place of prominence to delight the giver upon
his arrival. Alternately, if a guest is on sufficiently intimate terms
with the hostess, she might bring cut flowers and offer to select
the vase and arrange the flowers for the hostess.
Etiquetteer responds:
Far from wishing to discourage the sincerely generous Gesture of Gratitude,
Etiquetteer merely wishes to reinforce the point that it is not -required-
to bring a hostess gift to a dinner party. Besides, Etiquetteer -adores-
flowers, from slender buds to lush bouquets redolent with perfume
to the roses strewn in his path.
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