Renee Fleming and the National Anthem, Vol. 13, Issue 14

Etiquetteer was so very pleased to hear earlier this month that soprano Renee Fleming would be singing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl this year. Etiquetteer has become increasingly dismayed at the histrionics displayed by Popular Singers every year in their "interpretations" of the venerable "Star-Spangled Banner." The National Anthem, like the White House, doesn't need to be anything but itself. Just as the former doesn't need to be gussied up with novelty lighting for state dinners, neither does the National Anthem need to be burdened with emotional embellishments. Because the most important guideline for any singer singing the National Anthem at a public event is to keep it simple enough for everyone singing along to do so without getting lost.

Madame Fleming acquitted herself, and the nation, admirably with her interpretation. Her one departure from the traditional arrangement, that extra-high note at the end, was delivered with such purity and with such harmony with everyone else doing their best to hit that one high note at the end, that Etiquetteer could only shed one patriotic tear and then start preparing an income tax return. While recognizing that this is a subjective opinion, Etiquetteer truly believes that public singers should be shown this arrangement before singing the National Anthem publicly, along with that of the late Kate Smith. Call Etiquetteer old-fashioned and sentimental if you will - they are medals Etiquetteer wears with pride - but Miss Smith's arrangement remains the definitive.

Reader Response, Vol. 5, Issue 15

Etiquetteer heard from a few readers after a recent column about concert hall manners and bumper stickers, some of which are worth sharing:Dear Etiquetteer:Although I have been going to concerts since I was very young (not as a babe-in-arms, though!) and learned early on to watch my parents for the signal to clap, as a professional violinist concerned about the future of classical music, I hesitate to criticize those who clap between movements. Sometimes the music is just so moving or the performance so incredible that it seems totally appropriate and wonderful that people express their appreciation with clapping. This was in fact the classical tradition until Mahler criticized it and insisted that people wait until the end of the piece. We need to break the barriers between new concert-goers and classical music and make it accessible, less like an event that might cause embarrassment if you don't know "the code." Recently, I played a concert with the Lexington Symphony to a sold-out hall, where people clapped between several of the movements, expressing sheer joy for the gifts of baritone Robert Honeysucker as he sang Copland's "Old American Songs." It was music to our ears. What a wonderful display of enthusiasm and how rewarding for all of us on stage to know that this music and its performers are held dear to many.Etiquetteer responds: Thank you for raising a different point of view. Etiquetteer certainly did not mean to criticize those genuinely moved by a performance, but those who applaud early solely to call attention to themselves. A breathtaking recording of Luciano Pavarotti, Joan Sutherland, and Marilyn Horne in recital at Lincoln Center is marred only by some pretentious man honking "Bra-VEE! Bra-VEE!" at the end of several pieces. So now everyone knows he can conjugate Italian . . . and would rather not have that knowledge. Etiquetteer agrees with you wholeheartedly that new concert-goers need to be welcomed enthusiastically into the concert hall. But Etiquetteer must gently express some concern that too many people believe that making classical music "accessible" means letting people behave any way they wish with no regard for those around them. Do not underestimate the value of embarrassment. Thinking people will learn from it and thereby grow in Perfect Propriety.Dear Etiquetteer:What's worse than boors who applaud before the last note are the hordes of (I'd call them one of the names that come to mind but I hate to insult a whole group of tacky people for these are worse.) Those I speak of are the people who must rush to leave and take care of the thief making off with their car.As for bumper stickers, I once pulled behind a car with one that read "Honk if you love Jesus." I honked politely and got the well-known finger.Dear Etiquetteer:I no longer employ bumper stickers, as a result of an otherwise Perfectly Proper (and very successful) interview back in the early 1970s, followed by watercress sandwiches on the exclusive suburban lawn of my Republican hosts. I had gone to the effort of getting a short haircut, polished shoes, clean car, etc, and felt wonderful as the enthusiastic hosts walked me to my car. (You know what's coming).As I watched them cheerfully wave goodbye through my rear view mirror, I saw their hands drop abruptly as they read the message on my rear window (which I could read, because now it was reversed and read right to left), "Impeach The Cox* Sacker".Of course, I didn't get the job.*The writer is referring to Archibald Cox, who was fired by President Richard Nixon during Watergate. Etiquetteer cordially invites you to join the notify list if you would like to know as soon as new columns are posted. Join by sending e-mail to notify@etiquetteer.com.

Concert Manners and Free Speech, Vol. 5, Issue 13

Dear Etiquetteer:

Would you care to say anything about those pretentious people who have to be the first ones to clap as soon as the orchestra has concluded a piece? I was at a concert recently conducted by [insert name of Internationally Distinguished Conductor here] where someone was so eager to start clapping that the rest of us in the audience never had a chance to enjoy that brief pause when the sound of the music gradually dies away. Surely there is a way to stop this behavior, Etiquetteer?

Dear Disconcerted:

Pretentious people will always join the rest of us in concert halls and theatres; Etiquetteer can only hope they pay full price for their tickets and contribute to the Annual Funds of these musical organizations.

Etiquetteer knows that beautiful moment of which you speak. It’s essential after many pieces of music, but too often mowed down by audience members who are not always motivated by the performance to begin their applause. Really, it’s up to the conductor. When he or she lowers the baton and begins to turn toward the audience, that is the signal that applause may begin. The problem you mention is at least better than having to deal with those who applaud between movements of a symphony or at the end of every song in a song cycle.

But speaking of Inappropriate Audience Response, your query reminds Etiquetteer of a choral concert held in a Boston church several years ago. A Misguided Young Mother brought her infant with her, and Etiquetteer bets you can guess where this is going. The infant began crying and howling at the top of its little lungs halfway through the first piece on the program, and it did not shut up until the intermission had begun. While taking his bows, the conductor made a splendidly dismissive gesture with his baton in the direction of the noise. Etiquetteer was told that, when the MYM was directed by the house manager to leave, she responded that she didn’t leave earlier because she wanted to hear the music. How, Etiquetteer asks, could she do so when she was closer to the source of disturbance than anyone else present?! This is why theatres and concert halls wisely ban "babes in arms." Parents of infants, please take note.

Dear Etiquetteer:Let’s see how you handle this, Etiquetteer. Polemical, provocative bumper stickers: rude or a citizen's right and obligation to speak out?Dear Provocative:Etiquetteer was about to say "both," but no American has an obligation to speak out via a bumper sticker. We do have the right to decorate our automobiles in any way we choose; unfortunately, some choose to do so in a rude way. Think of it as the difference between these two bumper stickers: "Impeach Bush" and "Eat Bush." Both represent the same point of view, but one does so in the most offensive way possible. Etiquetteer is particularly tired of bumper stickers with profanity, such as "Don’t Like My Driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-SH*T." On some highways that’s tossing a red flag in front of a bull! With all the road rage out there, if you MUST have a bumper sticker, Etiquetteer prefers something with a calming message: "Visualize World Peace," "One Day at a Time," "Jesus Loves You," or some such.

Etiquetteer cordially invites you to join the notify list if you would like to know as soon as new columns are posted. Join by sending e-mail to notify@etiquetteer.com.