You know, Etiquetteer doesn't just make up these random, silly holidays. There's a whole website of them! Some have True National Importance, others are Frankly Commercial Ploys, but really - everyone needs a bit of silliness, and that includes the world of etiquette. It can't always be about weddings and forks and Lovely Notes . . .
So here we are on August 30, National Toasted Marshmallow Day, appropriate as we consider the Waning Days of Official Summer, a symbolic last chance to toast marshmallows over the candelabra - uh, campfire (glampfire?) - before Labor Day sends us back from the beach, linen, and seersucker, to the office, wingtips, and tropical weight wool.
Just how does one toast a marshmallow with Perfect Propriety? First off, don't let your attention be distracted so much that it catches fire. Aside from charred marshmallow not really being very tasty, it takes attention away from any of the Traditional Ghost Stories being told around the campfire. A well-toasted marshmallow is browned fairly evenly on all sides, which means rotating it slowly over the flame. If you go too quickly it doesn't really get a chance to brown, but if you go too slowly you risk charring. Patience is definitely a factor!
Your marshmallow should be taken from the fire just before it starts to sag on the skewer. A skewer! Etiquetteer has seen wire hangers used in emergency situations, but that's Not Quite Perfectly Proper.
Blow on it to cool it (no sense in scalding your tongue) and consume plainly or as a s'more. If the latter, keep those pinkies in! Be sure to have plenty of paper napkins on hand for sticky fingers.
Now, aside from overdressing being a greater sin than underdressing, have you noticed something Not Quite Perfectly Proper in this picture? It's those outrageously large cuffs! A gentleman's cuffs should barely protrude from his jacket sleeves, certainly not for miles and miles like Etiquetteer's here. Etiquetteer will certainly have to have a stern talk with that valet . . .
And remember, the most Perfectly Proper thing to do when toasting a marshmallow is not starting a wildfire that could consume thousands of acres. Be sure to follow Smokey the Bear's Campfire Rules to ensure a Safe and Perfectly Proper campfire.