Boy do I have a story for you. A few weeks ago I planned a hangout with a few friends. I made a Facebook event and everyone confirmed they were coming and I had a time and a location set. I write that the exact event details are TBD.
The event day finally comes and my afternoon goes from 0-1000 real fast. I receive a group message with eight other people in it. They are all asking about what’s happening? Because I am at work and don't have my phone on me all the time, I look at my phone and I have 30 messages all from this group message. I read it and catch myself up and what I am seeing is unbelievable. One individual is trying to change the entire event and complaining I never gave any more details about the time and location of the event. This person accepted the invitation so I don't understand. She gets six other people on board saying they agree this event was poorly planned and that they are going to completely change the event and time and location!
I had messaged her and said what can I help with, I see there is confusion. And she said "not to step on your toes, but you never gave us any more information". She is already singling me out in front of eight other people in this message and I already feel hurt that they want to completely change this event. She continues to say "not trying to cause any drama but you weren't clear and I don't want to drive all the way into town."
After all of this I end up having a great night, and then find out that she is mad to see a video that's posted of us all laughing and having fun on social media. She said “It's not cool to see your friends laughing at you even though I tried my hardest trying to get there . . ." She didn't try at all and we weren't even laughing at her while she was there. We were laughing at a joke someone said and I just so happen to post the video where we were all laughing. UGH!!
I learned never to plan something again with these kinds of people or her because she can never be satisfied. She was spoiled her whole life. Why do I even associate myself with them??
Whoa! So much drama! Few things are as embarrassing as being publicly shamed, even by group text. And especially when you’re a group organizer who just wants to get everyone together to have a good time. Etiquetteer commends you for persevering and not letting this situation “harsh your buzz.” Part of being a good host or hostess is Carrying On Like Nothing Is Wrong after a crisis.
Another part of being a good host or hostess is making sure your guests have all the information they need. This problem could have been nipped in the bud with a reminder message the night before with the “exact event details” that you first announced were only “TBD.” You established a time and place, but at least as far as Etiquetteer can see, not the activity. “Hang out” covers a lot of options, from lounging in a bar or coffee shop (or someone’s home) to a meal to going to the movies to mini-golf to and escape room to . . . who knows what. All those things involve different amounts of money, time, and maybe wardrobe. “Girls just wanna have fun,” as Cyndi Lauper taught us, but they also want to know how.*
it sounds like your friend panicked. And no, Etiquetteer doesn’t approve of how she handled it. Shaming by group text is not Perfectly Proper. Trying to change what has already been established and accepted (the time and place) because other details haven’t been announced is not Perfectly Proper. Sarcastic comments on social media are not Perfectly Proper (and only serve to make her look self-centered and petty).
Moving forward, you need to heal the breach with this friend by acknowledging that you should have had more information out about your plans in advance, but that trying to change all the arrangements to suit herself at the 11th hour isn’t the best solution. Etiquetteer also know that you’ll be more careful in the future not only about how you invite friends to group activities, but also how much information you share in advance. Good luck, and have a Perfectly Proper Good Time!
*Particularly if it’s a movie. If you know it’s going to be a movie you won’t be able to stand, being able to back out gracefully in advance is key.