Post-Wedding Lovely Notes, Vol. 15, Issue 41

Dear Etiquetteer:

Because I faithfully read your blog, i know you can answer this for me. My husband and I recently got married and threw quite the party the next day after the ceremony. Is it wrong to not expect any thank-you notes from the guests for this event? I was diligent in sending immediate thank-yous to all who attended. Why do people not send thank you notes to those who have hosted a reception? Thank you in advance for your answer.

Dear Married:

First, allow Etiquetteer to congratulate you on your marriage and to wish you and your husband a long, happy, and Perfectly Proper life together.

It's always Perfectly Proper for party guests to send a Lovely Note after a party. How does a wedding differ from a party? In this case, it's a wedding hosted by the honorees, the Happy Couple Themselves. It's perhaps more usual for wedding guests to feel that they should be thanked by the Happy Couple for a wedding gift and, increasingly, for the time, expense, and trouble it takes to attend a wedding (especially for those traveling a great distance). Etiquetteer once advocated (perhaps - embarrassingly, Etiquetteer can't find the reference) for Lovely Notes to be sent to the Parents of the Happy Couple following a wedding, and then had to stop and think when Etiquetteer might have done that at the many weddings attended over a lifetime. The answer was close to two or three times only. Oops.

So, while Etiquetteer shares your disappointment that your wedding guests didn't think to send a Lovely Note, you're encouraged not to take it personally, and to focus instead on their sincere joy expressed personally at your wedding celebration.